


Your Heart, I'll Fight to Earn It

by Bullsfish



Series: Never Look Away [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Attempted assault (does not get far!), Bullies, Equality, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friendship, Growing Up, Humor, Lonely Katsuki Yuuri, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Injuries, Oblivious Katsuki Yuuri, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Pining, Prejudice, Protective Katsuki family, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, Smut, Specific warnings in author's notes, Worldbuilding, no non-con, presenting, sex fantasies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 15:48:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13504716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bullsfish/pseuds/Bullsfish
Summary: Yuuri has loved Victor Nikiforov since the first moment he set eyes on him. It was that love and the goal to one day skate on the same ice as him that got Yuuri through everything — aching feet and gruelling practices, the lonelyness and even presenting on that ice in the middle of alphas.Or, a companion piece to part 1 of the Never Look Away series. This time Yuuri's POV of growing up, presenting, his first heat, learning to live as an omega, meeting and falling in love with Victor.





	Your Heart, I'll Fight to Earn It

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Here it is finally, the part 2 of my Never Look Away series. If you haven't read part 1, I highly suggest you do. This first chapter will mostly make sense without it but the second not so much..
> 
> Now then, I hope you weren't too frightened by the tags, this hopefully isn't as sad as they made it sound! xd Yuuri just has a hard time with some stuff as he grows up, it gets better in chapter 2. I promise!
> 
> WARNINGS/NOTES:  
> \- in part 1 we see gender equality through Victor's eyes but since here we go further back and it's a different pov, we see more prejudice but also how the change is slowly coming to the point of equality. (Also, Yuuri is little bit of an unreliable narrator!)  
> \- tags mention minor injuries, there's a little accident while cooking, blood is mentioned but it's not serious!  
> \- attempted assault does not go further than scenting!!! The assaulter was dazed (see part 1 chapter 2 notes).
> 
> Faux heat = people who will present as omegas sometimes have faux heats before hand. They are from 30 seconds to a few minutes lasting episodes of heat/presenting like symptoms. Not everyone has them but the more fertile the omega will be, the more they usually have them. Earliest you can have one is 14 years old.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> Not betaed so if something hurts your eyes, let me know!

“Yuuri!”

 

"What—"

 

"Wait! No stop him!”

 

Suddenly there were shouts everywhere but Yuuri could barely hear them over the ringing in his ears.

 

* * *

 

Blades cut across the fresh ice of Hasetsu Ice Castle as the light danced on them at every turn of the skates, their movements creating beautiful music.

 

Yuuri was born to be on the ice. From the first moment he set his tiny feet on it, he knew. He belonged on it. Skating had the uncanny ability to heal his mind from his worries and set his heart on fire. He felt at home.

 

It was were he had friends and where he could truly feel like himself. Nowhere else could he get the excitement of nailing a new jump or the motivation to improve when he just barely didn't make it.

 

“Yuuri!” A happy shout broke the calm silence of the boy's skating and Yuuri slid to a stop.

 

“Yuuko?”

 

“Come on, it's starting,” she yelled. “The junior Grand Prix Final!”

 

“Oh, _hai_! Coming!” Yuuri nodded eagerly as a huge smile spread on his face. He skated fast to the half wall of the rink and barely took enough time to untie his skates before running to the backroom of the Castle where the old tv was set up.

 

“Did it start yet, did it start yet?” Yuuri panted as he hurled himself through the door.

 

“Calm down, it's just the juniors, not like anything interesting is going to happen…” Nishigori muttered from the bench, not even raising his eyes to the old tv where the skaters were warming up.

 

“That's not true! Juniors are just as interesting to watch, and someday soon it could be us out there!” Yuuko cried.

 

“Yeah, like someone from Hasetsu could make it to the Grand Prix final,” Nishigori snorted.

 

Yuuri just grimaced, trying to block the pickering to the background as a skater after skater took the ice. It was wonderful, their delicate movements and jumps Yuuri could still only dream of doing. Every skater was better than the last.

 

All of the competition had Yuuri at the edge of his seat but it was almost at the end of the free skate that _it_ happened. A godlike figure came into the camera's view. His long silver hair shined in the lights as he took off his team Russia jacket to reveal a tight black skating costume that made it impossible for anyone to look away.

 

But it wasn't the flashy costume or even the unearthly beauty of the person that made the day forever imprinted in Yuuri's mind.

 

It was the way he moved. Yuuri swore he had never witnessed anything like it — and going by the announcers, neither had anyone else, he was making history. The passion in every glide and spin, his sharp step sequences that were beyond the usual junior level. Yuuri gasped loudly when the boy threw himself into a perfect triple flip, landing with grace that would make the women skaters green with envy.

 

_He's beautiful._

 

By the time the program came to its regrettable end, Yuuri wasn't even blinking less he miss a second of it.

 

He wasn't the least bit surprised when the announcement came that the Russian skater had gotten the highest score by a long shot.

 

“Victor Nikiforov, at the age of only 16, breaks the world record for highest score in junior Grand Prix final!”

 

_Victor Nikiforov._

 

Yuuri _had to_ skate on the same ice as him. He had to. His heart was beating like it was trying to climb out of his chest and through the tv as he watched Victor smile radiantly for the camera.

 

Yuuri knew what he had to do.

 

“I'm going to get to the Grand Prix final one day.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri had never trained harder. He ran before school and in the evenings he skated until his feet ached, he danced ballet under Minako’s tutelage 4 times a week even when it seemed like there was not enough hours in a day to cover everything.

 

He and Yuuko, who too was not unaffected by Victor's world shattering skating, had taken to practising Victor's routines with passion. They played the recordings of him skating over and over until Yuuri could recite the movements in his sleep. And he did. Whenever he closed his eyes for the night, exhausted and in pain, he would dream of gliding towards Victor on the ice — skating as his equal and sharing the podium with the Russian skater. And when Yuuri woke up, that dream was what got him to do the day all over again. To work himself raw over and over. Until his dream became reality.

 

Yuuri started competing more seriously in local competitions, steadily placing higher and higher, moving on to bigger competitions and more challenges. His parents even found him a part time professional coach from Fukuoka. They came to Hasetsu once or twice a week to train Yuuri and sometimes Yuuri would send them recordings of his progress for feedback.

 

Whenever Yuuri used to think about his future, he was always on the ice in it. Always skating, getting better, competing, winning. But now, now he had a clear goal. _Victor_. He was going to skate on the same ice as Victor.

 

And he was going to keep training until he got there.

 

* * *

 

 

Despite already being 13, Yuuri was still short. He was delicate, as people would say, but some stubborn baby fat still lingered much to his everlasting annoyment. He wasn't fat, not like he had been a little chubby before he really took to skating but over his defined muscles there was a layer of tummy. Not even his grueling workouts seemed to help getting it off. His mother just insisted that he had always been a soft child, nothing wrong with that. She said once he got a little older and presented, his body would develop more smoothly.

 

But really, Yuuri worried he didn't look his age. Other boys in his school were notably taller than him, their shoulders broader and forms firmer. Yuuri hated it. He didn't want to stand out any more than he had to. He was already the outsider since training took all of his free time and he didn't have time for friends outside of it.

 

“Yuuri, you're late for school!” Yuuko's mother suddenly called from the barrier of the rink, breaking Yuuri out of the frustrated circles he'd been carving to the ice.

 

“I'll just do this jump one more time!” Yuuri called back before stubbornly speeding up again. He'd been working on a triple salchow for months now and he couldn't seem to get it just right. It had been driving him up the wall.

 

Yuuri took a couple of laps around the rink until he was going fast enough for his glassless vision to seem even blurrier than normal. He pulled his focus to his body, despite his shortness, his lean frame and slightly pudgy stomach, Yuuri's body was trained to do this. It was a skater's body from the core, necessary movements coming from muscle memory. He knew he could do it. Shift of a blade, flex of his legs and he leaped.

 

He twirled in the air, once, twice, three times, before his skate hit the ice with a crack. A hand on the ice. Failure.

 

_Once more. I'll get it now…_

 

“Yuuri!” Yuuko’s mother warned again.

 

“Just once m—”

 

“Yuuri, now.”

 

“Okay…” Yuuri relented, slowing his pace into a more reasonable cool down. After a few minutes he reluctantly skated to the rinks half wall and got off the ice. As he took off his skates, Yuuri actually looked at the clock.

 

8:12 am.

 

“ _Kuso_!” He was going to be late, again!

 

“Yuuri! No swearing!”

 

“Yeah, bye, I'll be back after school!” Yuuri yelled distractedly as he sprinted out of the rink doors and towards his school.

 

By the time he got there, he was late and panting from the two mile run. Hiss teacher gave him the stink eye as he tried to subtly slide to his seat in the middle of class. Yuuri could hear his fellow students snickering at him and feel their lingering stares. He just got to his seat, took out his books and tried to regulate his breathing without drawing anymore focus on himself.

 

It was a long day. Yuuri's mind kept drifting back to the ice and to his salchow that kept failing. He ran the movement over in his head until the sudden bell indicating lunch startled him.

 

“So, Katsuki,” one of the boys in his class got Yuuri's attention when they were packing up their stuff. Yuuri reluctantly turned to face him. “Late again, huh? Where are you at always anyway?”

 

There was a group of boys now gathering around Yuuri. Even though they went to the same school and were the same age, they weren't friends exactly. Or at all really. So their intrusive stares and borderline mocking tones instantly made Yuuri anxious. He cleared his throat awkwardly while sifting on his feet. _They were all so much taller than him._

 

“Training…” Yuuri mumbled after a beat of heavy silence, not looking at the ringleader of the gang directly.

 

“What? We can't hear you!” One of the others barked and they all laughed.

 

Yuuri swallowed. “Training… for figure skating,” he repeated with a little more volume. It wasn't a secret or anything that Yuuri spent his days at the Ice Castle but he didn't really announce it around the school either. Everyone he cared about knew what he did. He wasn't ashamed about his passion.

 

“Figure skating? Like the one where you twirl and dance on the ice in short skirts?” The ringleader asked loudly, clearly amused by the new information on the class weirdo. Yuuri winced at the daunting tone he used. _He was not ashamed._

 

“That's a girl sport!”

 

“Well, he _is_ an omega.”

 

“Haha, right!?” They were all laughing at Yuuri.

 

 _An omega?_ What were they talking about, Yuuri hadn't presented yet. Just like none of them had yet, they were still too young. Yuuri frowned.

 

“I'm not an omega,” he settled on saying, cutting the other boys off from their snickering. “A-and figure skating is a real sport! It takes a lot of practice and hard work!” He defended with a little more courage. They couldn't undermine his dream like that.

 

“But you're going to be an omega! I mean look at you, twirling on the ice all prettily and whining like a girl!” The ring leader mocked.

 

“No I'm not!” Yuuri shouted, he could feel his throat contradicting and eyes burning with shameful tears. He would not cry in front of those bullies. _He was not ashamed..._

 

“Aaw, are you gonna cry little omega?” One of the boys cooed and the rest of them laughed. Yuuri's head felt fuzzy with anxiety and his vision was blurry but he could still hear them chanting _cry baby cry baby_ over and over again.

 

“Am not…” he tried to say but his voice betrayed him as a loud sniffle broke out. They laughed louder.

 

“Tell you what, _Yuuri,_ I'm gonna be an alpha so when you're in heat, crying and begging for it, I'll help you. You won't have to go to school again, or you're precious ice, or anywhere else. Just stay in the bedroom like omegas are supposed to!”

 

 _No!_ He would not be an omega! They couldn't take the ice away from him, not now, not ever! He wouldn't let them…

 

“No!” Yuuri shouted through the tears that were now over flowing freely and pushed the offending boy away from him. He took off in a run and didn't stop until he was panting and choking on his tears in front of Yutopia’s front door.

 

Yuuri frantically rubbed at his eyes but it was no use, he knew his eyes were red and swollen at this point. One look at him and his parents would know he had been crying. _Like a crybaby…_

 

Sighing, Yuuri opened the door and stepped into the warmth of his home. The house was filled with soothing noises of customers chatting, food cooking and his parents working. It was comforting. And not…

 

Yuuri's parents were betas, Mari an alpha. They didn't get it. Yuuri would be most likely a beta, he would if he had any say in the matter anyway. From the looks of him, he would not present as an alpha like his sister had. It was fairly obvious even from his personality. They had been able to guess with Mari pretty early.

 

But there was a chance… Genetics weren't everything when it came to secondary genders. Betas could just as likely have alpha and omega children as betas. And Yuuri was short… soft… delicate… shy… All stereotypical traits of an omega.

 

The lump in his throat returned. Omegas we not always treated kindly. People thought they were too simple minded and fragile to do much outside of looking pretty and breeding. At least that's what Yuuri had heard… He hadn't met an omega ever before, he'd heard that a couple of his classmates had omega mothers but he'd never seen them around town... He hadn't thought about it before but now the fact made him nervous.

 

Yuuri knew not everyone thought badly about omegas like that, and he thought he had even heard on tv that there was a new law passed recently about equality on different dynamics… but did that really mean anything?

 

What if his parents would be disappointed in him if he presented as an omega? What if they hated him? What if—

 

“Yuuri? What are doing home so early?” A voice interrupted his panic. Yuuri looked up to see a gentle but worried frown on his mother's round face.

 

“M-Mom!” Yuuri hiccuped and threw himself on her.

 

* * *

 

 

It took a while for Yuuri to calm down. And a few more tears as well. His mother held him all through it, petting his hair and letting him cry it out.

 

Once he had his breathing under control, his mother had taken him to the inn’s currently empty family room and sat him down with a soothing cup of tea.

 

“Now, Yuuri honey, what's wrong?” She asked while gently petting his hair again. Her calming, almost non existent beta scent surrounded them and helped to ground Yuuri. He inhaled it together with the soft aroma of the tea and steeled himself for what he wanted to say.

 

“Mom… am I an omega?”

 

Hiroko startled at question before settling in soft confusion, “you know you haven't presented yet, honey…

 

“No, I know! B-but…”

 

“But?” She nudged.

 

“The boys as school said… they said I'm clearly an omega…” Yuuri finally murmured so quietly she almost didn't hear him. “And they're right! I'm so… so…”

 

“Yuuri,” Hiroko said with a sterner voice he had ever heard her use, especially on him. “Those boys don't know what they are talking about. And for the record, there is _nothing_ wrong with being an omega. If that's what you are, that's what you are. _It's just Secondary Gender_ , it doesn't define _you._ ”

 

Yuuri could feel the tears burning his eyes again, “B-but… I want to be a figure skater, a-and if I'm an o-omega—” There had never been a male omega figure skater on the level Yuuri wanted to compete at. In the ladies categories it wasn't as uncommon but still relatively rare seeing merely 15 years ago omegas weren't allowed to participate in any competitive sports or in sports that could possibly lead to accidents threatening fertility — so in other words, omegas weren't allowed to do sports.

 

“If you want to be a figure skater, you will be a figure skater, Yuuri. No one can stop you. Not because of your ethnicity, gender or secondary gender! And if they try, you just send them my way and I'll take care of it,” Hiroko nodded with a serious face but her eyes were tingling with mirth. “And you know Yuuri that the world is changing for the better. It's not as backwaterish out there anymore. Let me just tell you, I bet that by the time you're older, there are plenty of omegas up there on that podium with you!”

 

The tears burst out, Yuuri had been so scared his family wouldn't love him if he was an omega and that he couldn't achieve his dream. He hurled himself at his mother for the second time that day and buried his face into her soothing neck.

 

“We will support you Yuuri always. In any way we can, I promise.”

 

“And you'll love me even if I turned up an omega?”

 

“Oh, honey, I would love you even if you turned up purple.”

 

* * *

 

 

A few weeks after the incident at school, which Yuuri was 90% sure his parents had reported even when he had begged them not to, he was still feeling a little down. It didn't go unnoticed in the Katsuki household.

 

His mother's reassuring words did mean a lot to him, and he knew they wouldn't judge him either way now, but still he felt worn out and worried. Every morning he stared at himself in the mirror, cataloguing his features like something might have changed over night. All he saw though were dull, sad eyes and bags under them from nights spent turning and tossing.

 

His mother kept making all of his favourite meals in an attempt to cheer him up while his dad cracked the most ridiculous jokes known to man (“Hey, Yuuri, do you know how you make holy water?” … “You boil the hell out of it!” Like where did he he even get those?!). Mari had started her attempts of cheering Yuuri's spirits with her usual brand of tough love and an offer to kick some junior high bullie ass. When it had only made Yuuri tear up she had frantically changed her approach into soft cooes and gentle hugs. She was constantly ruffling his hair and even scented him once in a while with her comforting familiar scent.

 

Yet, even with the love of his family, Yuuri felt lonely. The incident at school had really made it click with him. He had no friends.

 

Well, he had Yuuko, and Takeshi, sort of. And that was fine, it had been fine but they were older and went to a different school. Not to mention the kindling romance between the two even Yuuri wasn't oblivious enough not to notice. He didn't want to be the third wheel.

 

So, when Yuuri woke up one Saturday to find that his dad was 'out for business’ very suspiciously, he didn't really pay mind to it. He was too busy wallowing in his everlasting lonely pool of self-pity. He didn't even feel like going to the ice rink.

 

Dragging his feet, he chose to just stay in his pyjamas and go eat an unhealthy breakfast before escaping to his room and re-reading his Victor articles for the nth time.

 

Mari was giving him an odd look as he passed her by but he ignored it, she was probably just disapproving of his outfit choice. Yuuri made it to the dining area and sat himself down in a undignified heap on the floor. Hiroko came bursting in with a big smile on her face.

 

“Yuuri! Good morning!” She sang as she served him some tea. Unlike her, she was distracted though as she kept glancing towards the front of the inn. Yuuri didn't think they were waiting for new guests either...

 

After a few minutes Mari came in with the same gleam in her brown eyes as before. She too was glancing at the front door very indiscreetly before smirking at her little brother.

 

“Cheer up, kiddo. You look like you've had a _ruff_ day,” she said, making her 'rough’ sound like an almost animalistic grunt. Like a dog's bark.

 

Yuuri just stared at her blinking stupidly. He didn't get the joke.

 

“What? Don't you have anything to say? Is your _tail_ in between your legs still?” She snickered teasingly, again weighing the words oddly. “You look like a kicked _puppy._ ”

 

_She's lost her mind..._

 

“Oh now, Mari, don't tease your brother,” Hiroko chastised, before flicking her eyes to the door yet again and breaking into a huge grin. “He _is_ just a _puppy_ after all.”

 

Mari cackled and Yuuri was just about to protest even though he had no clue what was going on. They were still clearly making fun of him. But before the boy could make a sound, the front door opened and shut in a pam and the house was suddenly filled with excited little yips and fast paced thumps of claws hitting the tatami floor.

 

Suddenly a small ball of curly brown fur came tumbling into Yuuri's view only to charge straight into him a second later. Despite the almost non-existent weight, it managed to knock Yuuri over in his confusion.

 

“What…”

 

The creature, a poodle puppy, he could see now, kinda, was licking his face on ernest, trying his best to aim straight for the boy's mouth. Yuuri couldn't help the giggle that escaped him at the tickling of the puppy's paws and the contagious excitement.

 

“Looks like your surprise likes you, little brother,” Mari hummed from where she was casually leaning against the wall and regarding the situation.

 

“Wait… My surprise?” Yuuri gasped and lifted himself to sit up, holding the squirming dog to his chest. “You mean… he's mine?” His eyes sparkled with hope.

 

Mari laughed, “of course he's yours. Who else do you think we would get a _poodle_ for, hm?”

 

Yuuri looked down at the fluff ball in his lap with shining admiration before bursting into laughter and tears. “T-thank you!”

 

His parents came in to see the sight of their son happily cuddling the small dog and cooing in tears while he giggled, it warmed their hearts.

 

“What are you going to name him, Yuu-chan?” Hiroko asked softly.

 

Yuuri thought about it for a second before looking the dog in the eyes and nodding confidently. “Vicchan.”

 

The Katsukis cooed and nodded. “Of course.”

 

Now Yuuri had his very own Victor always by his side. His very first true friend.

 

* * *

 

 

“Vicchan, Vicchan!” Yuuri screamed as he frantically raced inside the inn, barely taking the time to stumble out of his shoes for his family's benefit.

 

“Yuuri?” Toshiya came out of the dining room looking startled, “What's wrong, son?”

 

“You're not going to believe this!” Yuuri hyped, jumping up and down. He was already out of breath from running home all the way from the Ice Castle when he heard the news but he just couldn't stay still.

 

“Believe what son, calm down, you'll crash right through the floor…” Toshiya asked confused as his son kept squealing and hopping around like the floor was on fire.

 

“It's, oh my g— I can't even,” Yuuri couldn't get the words out fast enough. He stopped jumping but lightly hopped on his feet before deciding not to waste time on trying to explain it to his dad and bolting upstairs. “Vicchan!”

 

“Yuuri?” His father's yell echoed after him but the teenager didn't stop. Once he got to the end of the hall, he could hear the exited yips Vicchan was making behind his door.

 

Yuuri yanked the door open and stormed inside his bedroom, promptly jumping on the floor to accept the excited and confused poodle to his lap.

 

“Vicchan, you won't believe it! Victor cut his hair!” Yuuri finally screamed, not being able to hold it in for a moment longer.

 

The dog looked at Yuuri for a second, tilting his head adorably, before barking that one specific bark he did everytime someone (usually — every time — Yuuri) mentioned Victor. He was such a smart boy. Yuuri cooed a little before getting back on point.

 

“Yes, that Victor, Vicchan! He just— just cut it! Told no-one he was going to and showed up in the nationals with short hair!”

 

Vicchan didn't make further comments so Yuuri kept on rambling, barely even breathing in between sentences.

 

“He looks so much older now! And so cool! Some people said he looked like an omega stereotype before, I thought he was beautiful…” Yuuri sighed as he locked eyes wistfully with one of his Victor posters. The Victor on the wall was midmotion on the ice with his eyes seemingly locked at the camera with a smirk and his long, silver hair flying behind him gracefully.

 

Yuuri thought about the photo Yuuko had showed him — Victor on the pages of a magazine in casual clothing and his trademark silver locks only reaching eye level. He did look older, more masculine, more alpha… Not all of it could be contributed to the hair of course, Victor had matured a lot in recent years, shooting up in height and filling up nicely.

 

Yuuri wondered why Victor had cut his hair now. He hadn't made any official comments about it so far. Maybe it was his way to surprise his audience, since he so loved doing that on and off the ice.

 

_Hopefully he didn't do it just to look more like an alpha…_

 

“I hope they make a new poster of him soon, don't you Vicchan?” Yuuri hummed, disregarding the darker thought from his head. He was sure Victor wasn't like that...

 

Yuuri happily cuddled with his dog for a good moment before something else occurred to him and he broke the silence.

 

“Hey, Vicchan? Why were you here with the door closed?”

 

Silence, the poodle looked away. _Ominous._

 

Yuuri slowly turned on the floor to look at his room and gasped at what he saw. He had been in such a hurry before that he hadn't even noticed the mess his poodle seemingly had made in his apsense. His trashcan was turned around and spread across the floor while what used to be a Victor blush toy was lying on the floor looking like it needed chalk lines around it. The stuffing was across the room.

 

“Vicchan! _No_ , we like Victor!” Yuuri yelped and regarded his dog who didn't seem particularly guilty about it. Vicchan only gave his Victor-bark as a response.

 

“Oh don't be jealous of him! I love you just as much!” Yuuri cooed and cuddled up his tiny poodle. Vicchan huffed and licked Yuuri's cheek.

 

“Aaaw Vicchan, I take it back, I do love you the most!”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri had his first faux heat when he was 15. He didn't realise what it was at first, well, not really anyway. One minute he was fine, skating at the rink and thinking about junior nationals that were only a few weeks away — and then the next he was light headed, sweating and aching all over. Chills ran through Yuuri's spine while he was weirdly hot all over. His legs wobbled and he had to take hold of the rink’s half wall to steady himself. It felt like someone was sitting on his lungs...

 

For what felt like an hour, but actually was closer to a half a minute, Yuuri stood there on shaky legs and a swimming vision. Just as he was starting to get seriously panicky, the feeling was suddenly over just as fast as it came. The weight lifted off of his chest and the world stopped spinning in crazy rhythm. Yuuri propped his body fully against the wall feeling exhausted. _A hot flash. Or a drop in blood pressure. Maybe even a mild panic attack._ That's what it must have been... Yuuri felt cold in the chilly air of the rink now that the sweat was cooling on his skin.

 

He was just overworking himself.

 

Yuuri didn't mention the episode straight away when he went home or even to Yuuko’s mom as she came to check on Yuuri. He had just put on a smile and said he might have overdid it a tiny bit.

 

He didn't remember to say anything about it at home before he was already in bed that night and it was too late. It would have just been weird to mention it the next day — his mother would surely worry more than necessary. So Yuuri didn't say anything. And he didn't feel guilty because it was just a fluke. A one time thing.

 

Until it wasn't.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri was 17 when he felt his world shift while prepping food in the inn's kitchen. It was a nerve wracking, heartbreakingly familiar sensation by now. Not that it ever made it better. If anything, they had gotten worse, a lot worse.

 

Everything turned blurry around Yuuri and he vaguely heard the sound of a knife dropping before he felt it leave his hand and hit his leg. He was on fire but he could still feel the deep grace of the blade against his thigh.

 

“Yuuri!” Someone screamed, it might have been Mari. He was sure Mari had been standing next to him prepping tonight's dinner. There definitely was a strong, usually soothing scent near him but even with its pleading musk, it didn't give him relief from the burn under his skin.

 

Mari looked at the bloodied knife shocked before whipping her head up to face her little brother.

 

“Yuuri! What happened, why would you just drop the k—” she stopped mid breath at the sight of him. His creamy skin now deathly pale with uneven plothes of a blush doting on his cheeks, sheen of sweat glinting on his face and the way he swayed on his feet like he was about to follow the meat knife to the floor. “Yuuri… this… is this—”

 

“No!” He yelped before she could say it. _No._ This was nothing. His vision was already turning back to normal even is his heartbeat was not slowing down and his ears were ringing. He could feel the crushing squeeze of a setting panic attack around his lungs and jerked away from his sister. This hadn't happened around other people before. “I'm fine, this was nothing. This is nothing,” he gasped out.

 

Yuuri took a deep breath, or a slightly less shallow breath and propped himself up properly using the kitchen counter. Slowly he staggered to the kitchen door, wincing at every step that made the wound on his thigh pulse painfully. Yet he was adamant to hide in his room until this passed. _Please don't say anything._

 

“But, w-wait! Yuuri you're ble—” Mari started.

 

“No!” Yuuri yelled before having to stop to take a steadying breath, “Don't… don't say anything. Just, I'll handle it.”

 

Before his sister could say anything else Yuuri didn't want hear, he left her standing there with a dejected look on her face and a sweet lingering scent filling her nose. Blood dripped on the kitchen floor in his trail.

 

Yuuri wasn't stupid. He knew what this was,even if he didn't admit it to himself. Maybe he hadn't put two and two together after the first time, or admitted the similarities to himself after the second time but after the third and the fifth and so on… There was only so much denial could do.

 

They had equality studies and gender biology studies at school now. They had been added as their own courses rather than just passing mentions (and sometimes biased opinions) to all school systems around two years ago. Equality studies to learn to treat everyone regardless of gender equally and without prejudice and gender biology to further understand the anatomic and hormonal functions of the human body. Meaning puberty, hormonal growth, presenting, _heats_...

 

And Yuuri wasn't stupid. He just… couldn't think about it. Not now. Not yet.

 

Not when his breath was catching in his throat like someone was squeezing his neck and his thigh was throbbing in pain from the slash that would surely scar. It wasn't life threatening but it sure as hell hurt.

 

_Don't think about it._

 

Not when he was so close to getting so much closer to his dream. To the ice. To Victor

 

There was a coach in Detroit. Celestino Cialdini. He had seen Yuuri's skating at Japan's junior nationals a few months ago and expressed his interest. A full athlete's scholarship for college and a place at one of America's best ice rinks.

 

Yuuri had been considering the offer for a few weeks already but to be honest, he had decided the moment he saw what was offered. He knew he couldn't stay in Hasetsu forever, even now, he had already stayed longer than was probably wise to his career.

 

He loved Hasetsu, everything about it — the gentle people who visited their inn, the sea, the sea gulls, the Ice Castle… Hasetsu was his home.

 

But to achieve his goals Yuuri needed more help than he was now getting from the sleepy little seaside town and a part time coach. He needed more opportunities and exposure. Celestino was offering that.

 

And Yuuri accepted.

 

His mother reassured him that they'd miss him terribly but they knew it was for the best as she patched up Yuuri's leg later that day, thankfully refraining from commenting about the circumstances of the injury.

 

Yuuri couldn't run from it forever but before he knew it, he had been too busy graduating (successfully _not_ talking about anything remotely to have to do with his biology with his family), packing up his belongings, saying tearful goodbyes to his family and breaking his heart over leaving Vicchan behind to even think about it.

 

Logically he knew that the one thing he couldn't leave behind was his own ticking biology clock that clicked closer to his presentation with every second. _He wasn't running away._ He was just…

 

...

 

His whole family came to see him off in the airport, they actually closed the inn just so they could all be there. And Yuuri was grateful, he could already feel a terrible ache of homesickness setting in his chest. He was going to miss the calm sea air of Hasetsu and the sanctuary the Ice Castle had been for him for years. He'd miss Minako’s studio and all of the blisters he'd gotten under her grueling but lovable tutelage. He would miss Yuuko skating Victor's programs with him and even Takeshi with whom he'd gotten closer over the years. He'd miss them supporting him and teasing him about his crush on Victor. He’d terribly miss his mother's warm katsudon and his fathers rumbling laughter, Mari’s familiar scent overcoated with everlasting layer of cigarette smoke. And Vicchan… Perhaps, a little guiltily, most of all, he would miss his own little Victor.

 

But there was no way Yuuri could put him through the lengthy process of getting him to America just to leave him alone for most of the days while Yuuri trained. No, Vicchan would be much happier here where he could run free on the beach and sneak treats from the inn’s kitchen. He would probably only be sad for a little while. He would mourn Yuuri but get over it eventually. He would forget the boy who cuddled with him at nights, took him on long runs and sometimes cried into his fur. He would forget the boy who left him and be happy with the family who didn't abandon him.

 

That hurt the most.

 

But Yuuri kept walking, he didn't look back for his family's shouts of goodbyes or the heartwrenching cries of a poodle. He just kept walking.

 

Detroit was his new beginning.

 

* * *

 

 

Detroit was lonely. Big, loud, intimidating… But it wasn't all bad. Celestino was a great coach. He talked to Yuuri about his abilities and goals without being condescending and gave really helpful advice while Yuuri skated. He had also built up a whole workout and meal plan for Yuuri's season that included private ice time, group sessions, gym for muscle building, runs for stamina and ballet after Yuuri mentioned it had been part of his training since he could walk.

 

He was housed in one of the college dorms in a relevantly quiet wing where he had a small two bedroom apartment for himself. But Yuuri didn't spend too much time there — being alone in an unknown city made it feel like the walls were falling down on him as the heavy silence weighted on his soul. He was too used to the sounds of the inn back home to sleep easily in the quiet. Often he escaped the only way he knew how: to the ice or to a ballet studio.

 

So far Yuuri was pretty sure Celestino had not caught on to him sneaking in extra practice and while he felt guilty about it, he wasn't able or willing to stop. For years this was how he had coped when life got too overwhelming. It had gotten better after Vicchan but now his beloved poodle was seas away and unable to help. So he practiced, a lot.

 

Yuuri tried to keep regular contact with his family despite the distance and time differences but his schedule often left him too busy or too exhausted. He did even have a computer so they could video chat on it when he didn't fall face first into bed after practice. It was nice to see the faces he missed so much but it was not the same as having them near. He missed their scents a lot.

 

Yuuri hadn't found someone to call a friend or a confidant yet in the States either but he didn't want his family to worry. Every time they asked about his new rink mates and college friends Yuuri just forced a smile on his face and told them everyone was great. That he'd made loads of new friends.

 

They didn't need to know about how Yuuri went to school alone everyday and even though there were seemingly nice people there, he was too shy to approach them. The student in his class mostly knew he was a professional figure skater and while it hadn't caused him grief like in junior high, it hadn't made him any friends either.

 

He didn't want to tell his parents that all his risk mates wanted to talk about with him were his rankings in the junior worlds or how their burning gazes during practice made Yuuri nervous and more likely to flub his jumps than to land them.

 

So he just smiled and said everything was great.

 

But even with the loneliness and anxiousness of his new environment, Yuuri couldn't come to regret his decision of moving. He could see the work already paying off in every spin that was tighter and more balanced, in sharper edges of his footwork and most of all in his jumps. He was even finally starting to land his quad toe loop in practice most of the time!

 

After every practice where he had made progress he felt like he was closer to his goal, to his dream. That's all that really mattered anyway.

 

At least that's what Yuuri told himself.

 

* * *

 

 

“Yuuri, I've decided to house the new skater joining our rink with you,” Celestino announced one day a few months after Yuuri's move to the states.

 

“Huh?” Yuuri stopped dead on the ice,spinning to face his coach who was standing by the boards. “W-what? With me?”

 

Yuuri knew they were getting an addition to the rink soon. Celestino had announced it to everyone very loudly (Yuuri felt embarrassed thinking about how he probably had done the same when Yuuri joined them) as he made sure everyone would welcome the new skater when the time came. All Yuuri knew about this person was that he was a Thai beta named Phichit and he was two years younger than Yuuri. He would actually be finishing his high school diploma via internet while the college/athlete dorm housed him thanks to Celestino.

 

“Yes, I think you two will be well matched. And since he too is coming here from so far away, I think you both can help each other with the homesickness,” Celestino reasoned.

 

“I'm not home sick—”

 

“Oh please, Yuuri. I know you think you hide everything so well but you're not as sneaky as you think,” the Italian coach raised one meaningful eyebrow.

 

Yuuri gulped and chose not to say anything.

 

“It's settled then, Phichit will be arriving in two days,” Celestino waved as he began to retreat to his office, “oh, and Yuuri! Don't overwork yourself tonight.”

 

“Tonight? We don't have scheduled practice tonight?”

 

“I know,” Celestino hummed knowingly and walked away.

 

_Oh shit. Not as sneaky indeed._

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri made a banner.

 

Not because he particularly agreed with Celestino's estimate of him being a good housemate. Or about being homesick. Which he wasn't. But because whether or not his coach was deluded, there was going to be a roommate in less than a hour. So Yuuri made a banner.

 

It was blue and said _Welcome Phichit_ in Thai that Yuuri had had to look up from the internet — he was half terrified he wrote it wrong and the roommate was going to be horribly insulted and hate him. Yuuri probably called him a donkey or something by accident. It was a stupid thing to do.

 

Phichit was probably not going to like it anyway. It was weird, right? Someone you had never met doing this. A normal person would just clean the shared bathroom and maybe bake some cookies or something if they were generous.

 

But then again, Yuuri thought about the Thai skater, only 17, coming to America from Asia all alone and getting stuck with antisocial Yuuri. Not really a fair deal for him. Phichit was probably shy too. And anxious. _He_ will most definitely be homesick. So maybe it wasn't so bad if his new roommate was a little insane. Maybe the banner would actually make him feel welcomed. Or at least he would see that Yuuri is an idiot and he won't feel shy around him. Because there was no pressure in talking to a mad person.

 

Yuuri left the banner up. (And cleaned the bathroom.)

 

* * *

 

 

Phichit was not shy. Nor did he shy away from Yuuri. In fact the moment he saw the scrappy banner Yuuri had made, he burst into tears and hugged Yuuri for dear life, all the while stating that he was Yuuri's best friend from now on.

 

And that he became.

 

Celestino was smug.

 

(Phichit even helped Yuuri get some new friends. He often walked Yuuri to school and easily managed to befriend a group of Yuuri's fellow students despite the age difference.

 

Later he told Yuuri that their new friends had confessed that they had been too nervous to talk to Yuuri since he was a high class athlete and his solitary, silent attitude made him seem a little full of himself. Which they, and Phichit, vehemently reassured Yuuri he wasn't after Yuuri teared up.)

 

* * *

 

 

It was a day like any other, another cold Monday in Detroit. Yuuri felt off as he skated in slow circles that morning. He had woken up that way — breath heavy and covered in sweat, head still mulled up by the embarrassingly vivid sex dream he had had. In the dream he had been so desperate for something to fill him while he had squirmed in a pile of soft blankets. A faceless, yet somehow familiar man had been standing just outside of his pile of fabric, just watching and breathing heavily. Yuuri woke up sticky, aroused and uncomfortable.

 

But it wasn't like there was anything he could have done about it so he rinsed off in the bathroom, after checking Phichit was nowhere around their shared space to witness his mess of a state, and came to practice. Unlike usually when he'd slept funny, his condition only got worse longer he was up. While Yuuri jogged to the rink he felt ten times heavier than usual and with every step his insides jostled nauseatingly. When he finally made it to practice he was covered in sweat and panting while actually getting a scolding for being late.

 

It was like he was almost sick or getting sick and but not quite there yet. He felt like he was about to throw up but he didn't, he felt hot and cold but had no fever… Added to that was just the over all horrible feeling looming in over his chest — Yuuri really just felt like it was a day to stay in bed. But of course he didn't.

 

The rink was fully booked for the day and there were people everywhere — figure skaters were warming up on the ice while a bunch of big hockey players argued about something with the rink manager. The noise was giving Yuuri a headache.

 

Once Phichit, who Yuuri realised hadn't been at the apartment because he'd actually been to practice on time, had taken one look at the pale Japanese skater, frowned and asked if he was sure practising today was wise. Yuuri of course said he was _fine_. Totally fine. If he could stand, tie his skates and move his feet on the ice, he was going to practice. A little dizziness and the world seemingly moving faster around him than he was on the ice was not going to stop him. There was nothing that could st—

 

The rink wall shifted vertically and it took Yuuri a long second to realise his blades were no longer touching the surface of the ice. He felt the ice hit the right side of his face before he even realised he was falling. A loud thud echoed in his head after the impact.

 

_Why did he fall down?_

 

“Yuuri!”

 

“What—”

 

“Wait! No stop him!”

 

Suddenly there were shouts everywhere but Yuuri could barely hear them over the ringing in his ears. For a second a cold grip of fear washed over him as he thought he was having a heat flash again, he hadn't had one since his move. But it wasn't quite like that, meaning, it was so much worse. His fear multiplied.

 

Then the scent hit him. An overwhelming burst of dominating alpha pheromones clouded the rink in obvious lust and want. It made Yuuri's head even foggier than before and he whimpered miserably. He'd never reacted like this to pheromones before, him being unprecedented had the perk of dull sense of smell and hormones didn't drive him up the wall like they did with alphas and omegas. Yet Yuuri's instincts were now raging inside his confused body — he was scared and hurt and wanted to just roll himself in a fluffy ball of blacket away from the world but at the same time the alpha musk invading his nose served to terrify and excite him in equal proportions.

 

_What is happening…_

 

Yuuri couldn't raise his face from where his cheek was pressed to the ice but he could hear and sense the chaos around him. Not a single pair of skates in his line of sight were moving but the hall echoed with shouts and rabid footsteps. With his head spinning and guts burning Yuuri couldn't tell up from down so he couldn't tell where the noise was coming from.

 

He was so confused — he was lying on the ice that was burning where it touched his exposed skin and melting into his clothes. _Why was he lying down?_ Yuuri couldn't find his feet or even try to raise himself up before strong pair of arms suddenly grabbed him and roughly flipped him to his back with a thud. The hard, cold ice hit the back of his head and Yuuri yelped in pain (vaguely he thought that he was going to have so many bumps on his head after today).

 

Maybe it was the blow to the head, or the dizziness he'd been feeling all day or the overwhelming pheromones that were suddenly raining over him in a heavy cloud, but Yuuri had difficulty clearing his head to figure out what happened. He blinked several times until his eyesight stopped swimming enough so he could see the face staring at him from above. Light brown eyes were vide and the pupils were dilated enough to cover almost all of the iris. Sandy blonde hair swept down his forehead, wet with sweat that was beading on his skin. His nostrils were flared and his mouth hang open in a animal like pant. White teeth glistered threathenly at Yuuri.

 

It was a hockey player Yuuri vaguely recognized from the rink. Zack or Jack or something… He was at least twice Yuuri's size.

 

The man looming over him had a crazed look in his eyes as he kept them locked on Yuuri who was starting to get less confused and more scared, he was starting to catch up to the situation he was in. His limbs stiffened and cold chill that was not from the ice ran through his spine. This man was an alpha.

 

And suddenly that distinction terrified Yuuri beyond belief.

 

There were more screams in the background but Yuuri's focus was on man on top of him as the alpha slowly leaned even closer to the smaller man's neck to take a long, deep breath.

 

His hair tickled Yuuri's ear and his breath was hot.

 

Yuuri wanted to bend his neck — to run away — to do something, but his limbs were not moving and he was paralyzed by fear as the dizzying nausea got worse inside his head.

 

The yells and thumping footsteps were getting closer fast, causing the clearly dazed alpha growl against Yuuri's sensitive neck. The vibrations made him whimper and shut his eyes tight. The sound coming from the man pinning him to the ice was dripping with aggressive possessiveness and was meant to cause submissiveness. Yuuri's stomach cramped painfully and his pants felt wet. The world spinned.

 

Yuuri couldn't tell where the voices were coming from but they sounded close.

 

“—im off of him now!”

 

“—i are you alright?”

 

“We need more h—”

 

Yuuri heard none of it. His focus was divided between the horrible pain spreading through his body from his lower parts and the weight on top of him. When he opened his eyes his vision was filled with big black spots. He thought he heard Phichit and Celestino calling him but he only heard that one word breathed directly above him.

 

“Omega.”

 

The world went black as a weight lifted off of his chest.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri didn't know how he got home. He thought someone drove him there, and carried him to his room. Probably Phichit. Though Phichit was even smaller than Yuuri so he likely had help. They lived on the eighth floor with no elevator, no way his friend got him there by himself. Yuuri couldn't remember the details but he thinks he would remember falling down the stairs when his friend collapsed under his weight. But really, it wasn't like it mattered who brought him here, everyone at rink had already seen him in his disgraceful state. His head was all muddled up with a million thoughts and only one thing mattered. Yuuri was on _fire_.

 

He was lying down in his small dormitory bed and he was on fire. Like in literal, burning hot actual flames — there was no other explanation for how he was feeling. Yuuri moaned painfully against the mattress. The sheets on his bed felt like steel wool and his clothes were mattered uncomfortably to his skin with sweat.

 

 _Heat_. This really was heat. Yuuri could almost laugh at the irony of the name. Almost.

 

He awkwardly tried to rip his wet clothes off of his body with a lot of difficulty before finally managing to peel them off like he was shedding a second skin. Yuuri sighed in short lived relief when the cooler air hit his hot skin. The reality of his situation hit him as as soon as he felt that tiny bit better, it was squashed under a wave of new, even hotter flames. He pushed his face into his pillow and whined miserably.

 

Yuuri felt too much. Like his nerve endings were raw and exposed. Everything was too much. His stomach was cramping and his breathing was coming out in fast pants. His room smelled horrible — he could smell his gym shoes in the closet and an unsettling mixture of other people on his half worn clothes. It made his nose twitch and his mind yell at him that he was not safe. What he really wanted was someone to take it all away. Take the pain, the need and all of the scared feelings welling just under the surface. He wanted someone to hold him and make him feel better and protect him. _An alpha._

 

No!

 

_No._

 

Yuuri cried again, turning his head sideways to meet the copious blue eyes decorating his walls. Yuuri moaned. He was so painfully hard and wet in places that hadn't been wet before and he could feel the walls of his _insides_ rubbing against each other wantonly.

 

“V-Victor— a-ah!”

 

He wanted— no, he _needed_ something inside him to ease the emptiness that was driving him crazy. _Victor_. Alpha.

 

Yuuri stared at the poster with fever in his eyes. Victor smiled his sinful smirk back at him, his beautiful blue eyes seemed to be twinkling despite being trapped in the flat photograph. He was so beautiful, so alive, and Yuuri wanted him so, so much.

 

“Please…” he moaned as he gave in to it, awkwardly dragging his fingers down his torso, nails catching against his nipple. “Ah!”

 

 _Lower_.

 

His abs clenched as he lightly circled his bellybutton. His cock was weeping already, precum dripping to the sheets. Yuuri wrapped his hand around it with a cry and momentarily closed his eyes from Victor's piercing gaze. It was overwhelming. Yuuri had masturbater before. Hell, he'd even masturbated to Victor before, shamefully and always feeling guilty for the hard orgasms the fantasy gave him. But this was nothing like that. This was like all of his senses were turned to overdrive and someone had slipped him a blackmarket heat flash ecstasy. He felt like Victor was actually there staring at how Yuuri stroked himself over and over again.

 

He needed it so bad. The drag of his hand against his overly sensitive member was torture but he couldn't stop either. Desperately he pulled his foreskin back and massaged his thumb against his red tip. His whole body jolted. He had never been this sensitive before. He felt like he had already comed too many times despite the fact that he was yet to have his releaf. But releaf didn't come. He couldn't come.

 

Yuuri squeezed harder, borderline hurting himself, but the only effect it had was to make his precum drip in an even bigger volume to the rumbled sheets and his dick pulse from being so hard.

 

 _Lower._ He needed it lower.

 

Weak to resist his obvious need, Yuuri's fingers travelled across his tingling perineum, almost slipping in the disturbing wetness that resided between his legs. He knew of course that even male omegas self lubricated but knowing it and having your ass gush it out were quite different things. Not that Yuuri could dwell on it, his insides pulsated with combination of pleasure and unbearable pain of emptiness.

 

_Just a little lower._

 

Yuuri finally pressed his finger tips against his soft entrance and his whole body spassemed from the shock — he was so sensitive!

 

The previously virginal, unused hole twitched and his finger slipped inside easily, the warmness sucking it greedily to the knuckle.

 

“Aah! _Fuck!_ ” Yuuri hollered at the sweet intrusion. Finally, _finally,_ the constant hollowness felt a little eased. His finger felt so good — his hot, wet walls we squeezing it in a vice grip and the rubbing friction was heaven. But not enough.

 

“Ah, I need more! Please… Victor…”

 

Yuuri could almost picture it — Victor, a prime alpha who surely had the equipment to satisfy anyone and leave them begging for more, being there with him instead of just the two dimensional voyeurism Yuuri was stuck with. The real Victor would still watch, he'd never take his eyes off of Yuuri, he'd make sure of that. His heavy gaze would burn Yuuri's already flushed skin from the lustful intensity of it. It made him squirm.

 

Then, finally after the sweet torture, the alpha would not be able to hold himself from touching.

 

“Mm— Ah!” _Second finger_.

 

Victor's fingers were longer than Yuuri's, thicker and experienced in bringing pleasure this way. He could reach so much deeper than Yuuri's own little hand. So good, so deep. Still not enough.

 

“Victor, need more! Please…” Yuuri whined out loud, drool pooling in the sheets under his face from his constant moaning.

 

_Third finger._

 

Suddenly he hit that one spot that made Yuuri see stars and cry out while he came in long white robes on the already soiled sheets.

 

“Ah, Victor, so good…” What would Victor say if he was there? Would he growl like a pleased alpha whose omega was coming so easily in his hands, or would he blush in lustful adoration, almost unable to hold himself from scenting Yuuri completely and unmistakably as his.

 

Victor would rest his body against Yuuri's back, his breath tingling Yuuri's neck. His lips would ghost over the new, burning glands in the omega's throat.

 

_“Aah, Yuuri, you smell so good, so sweet, so fertile…”_

 

There was be a sudden hard thrust against his ass as Victor groaned, _“Look what you do to me.”_

 

Yuuri needed it, so badly. He wanted that hard, long, thick length in him, rubbing his insides and coming deep insde with its seed, a knot locking it in him forever.

 

“Victor, I need it!”

 

Victor hummed. _“Ask nicely,”_ he whispered, his hips never ceasing their insisting grinding.

 

“Please, alpha, I need it! Please!”

 

Victor grinded harder, the front of his dented pants already completely soaked in Yuuri's sugary slick. _“Need what, baby?”_

 

Yuuri cried in frustration, his earlier orgasm now completely forgotten and the burning ache replacing the afterglow once again.

 

“Your c-cock! I need your cock, please!”

 

 _“As you wish.”_  Yuuri could hear the smirk in his voice.

 

One hard thrust and Yuuri could swear he could feel the hot member of Victor Nikiforov penetrate him in a long push. He was so big! So thick, so hot, so perfect. Filling Yuuri like they were made for each other — made to be connected like this with Victor's cock in Yuuri's tight hole.

 

Yuuri's mouth fell open in a silent, choked scream of his alpha's name as he came again. His eyes fell on the poster staring intently at him with freezed emotion and even stiller blue eyes. The room was silent except for Yuuri's laboured breath, there wasn't a second set of panting lungs breathing down his neck in ecstasy. The air smelled sweet and like Yuuri. No musk of an alpha was there to comfort him.

 

A sob broke out.

 

Yuuri blinked the tears away from his eyes before sluggishly, painfully, turning his gaze away from the wall.

 

_I'm so sorry._

 

He started again.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri woke up feeling like hell. Everything felt too sensitive. His naked, cum and slick covered skin brushing against his sheets burned, the rising sun peeking from the windom blinded his eyes and the air in the room was suffocatingly thick with heat hormones and stale sweat.

 

The mind numbing want and confusion from earlier had cleared from Yuuri's mind finally after three gruellingly long days and it left him empty. Embarrassed. Angry. Sad…

 

Yuuri felt like crying and screaming but he was already dehydrated from his heat and his throat was sore from sobbing and moaning.

 

_Moaning for an alpha. For Victor..._

 

Slowly Yuuri's eyes slid to the wall of his bedroom to meet with the stagnant blue ones there. He felt so embarrassed. Victor, _his idol_ , might not have been there but it felt like he had witnessed the whole thing anyway. The smiling face that had created burning lust in Yuuri just last night was now judging him for his inability to restrain himself. Humiliation. _Humiliated._

 

Yuuri was angry at himself. Angry at his biology for making him like this, angry at his life for leading him to suffer from it, angry at his parents for knowing, angry at the alpha hockey player who made him question everything he'd fought to learn about equality amongst every gender…

 

But most of all, Yuuri was just sad. He grieved for the life he used to have. The one that was now over. He was sad for the future ahead of him, the new struggles that he didn't want or need…

 

 _He didn't want this._ Yuuri had done his best to ignore this part of himself since he was 13 and those bullies had taunted him at school. But in the end it didn't matter, it didn't change anything.

 

Yuuri had always thought it was strange that he, as an unpresented person, was housed in the modern, scent blocked wing of the dorms with Phichit, who was a beta and therefore had no need for that either. But Yuuri supposed it made sense now. They knew. _Everyone knew._ His parents had known and must have told Celestino. Warned him that this was going to happen. Yuuri was going to be an omega.

 

No amount of denial was going to change that now.

 

 _He really was an omega._ Everything was going to be different now.

  
And Yuuri could never go back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hai = Yes
> 
> Kuso = Shit
> 
> Yuuri learned to sleep better in Detroit after Phichit moved in. He talks loudly in his sleeps and Yuuri finds it comforting.
> 
> The second chapter is a lot less action heavy and really more just Phichit teasing Yuuri about how in love, in denial and in love with denial he is.
> 
> Right now it's about 1/3 written so it will take some time for me to get it out, hopefully not too long!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I'll hope to see you again soon!
> 
>  
> 
> [Buy Me A Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/W7W47IPB)
> 
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> 
> [My Tumblr](https://bullsfish.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [See my other fics here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bullsfish/works)

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](https://bullsfish.tumblr.com) Check out my blog for fan fic updates, teasers, fan art and links to all of my sites!
> 
> [See my other fics here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bullsfish/works)


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